Boundaries, a limit set by the parent, are extremely important.  Clear and firm boundaries make for security and trust.

“What do I do if they keep breaking the boundaries?”

Being in a situation when your preset boundaries are being tested or even broken is very stressful.  I had a lot of practice with this in my 8 years of working in child residential facilities.  I had to be on my toes all the time and emotionally guarded.  The biggest challenge was to move the child from point A to point B without having to physically touch them.  I had training, but I had to develop my own tricks.

Now, in my practice as a therapist, I may have very few cases of children becoming extremely difficult to manage.  The challenge I face is I’m very limited in my choices to get them to follow my directions.  The stress is compounded by the “what if’s”.  I’m challenged with still maintaining a boundary while not having a lot of authority but even with this constraint, the techniques I’ve learned have worked every time .  Yes there were two times the meltdown lasted longer than the given hour of the session, but thankfully it was at the end of the day.  It’s very important to have a successful ending of a session to ensure repeated successes in the future.

So what helped me reach a manageable conclusion?

1.  I mentally put aside all of the things that could interfere and add to my stress:  time, other people, doubt, property damage.

2. I used the same tone; calm, quiet, with almost with no inflection.  (e.g. voice flat and no change in the auditory level.

3.  My body language is neutral as well as the expression on my face.  I don’t show anger or happiness.

4. I state the direction (instruction) and I don’t engage in any other conversation.  If the child continues to ignore me, I will repeat the direction.

5. All I ever use are time-outs no longer than 5 min and at least 2 min.  I expect them to sit in a certain spot and to be quiet during the time-out or I will start the time over.

6. At the end when they calmed down I always focus on how they were able to make a good choice.  I want them to remember they can control themselves even when it seems impossible.

Word of Wisdom

Your emotions are linked to your thoughts, so start your day with successful thinking.

From a Child’s Mouth

T- “I love your honesty”

C- “I hate it… being honest and nice is disgusting”